Her Talk

It’s true, I think about sex all day, all night and even in my dreams. This spike in sexual urges started the day I turned 40.  I mean it was like a light bulb, I lost my ability to see things up close and my hormones started raging. I know my libido is off the charts and satisfying me is almost impossible.  But hang in there please; I’ll be there for you when you can’t perform at all due to getting older.  There will be a day when we will be so happy just sitting on the front porch drinking sweet tea and watching our grandchildren play in the creek. Be happy that you drive me crazy with desire, it’s a compliment. Just know this too shall pass and we’ll become on a more even playing field.

His Talk

I think something is wrong with you. Who can think of sex every waking moment? You are leaving puddles on all the furniture, you’ve scented up all the rugs, and now you’re dragging you coochie along the bannister. I am not oblivious to the signs and neither are the three labs as they now want it too.  By the way, your toys are running the power bill through the roof and just what in the hell are you doing with my jumper cables? I mean I like sex as much as the next fella but I’m no machine.  Can you please consult your gynecologist?  Some medication maybe in order before you pulsating vagina causes a complete animal uprising?